A Spoof Of Writing A Lotr Parody
by Orlijah Bloomwood
Summary: A parody of a parody, go figure. I got confused writing it myself. First chapter isn't a parody of a parody. Just a parody of someone writing a rookie trying to write a lotr fic. Has their 'mental thoughts' and stuff. Suggestions about other parodies will
1. Morning In BagEnd

REAL A/N: This came to mind as interesting, because we were discussing something about something else. Like when you look into a mirror, and there's a mirror behind that, and then it goes back and forth, well yeah. So this is a parody of a parody basically. Well, this chap ain't a parody, not yet, anyway. Next chap will be. Please play along w/me. This is the only chapter I will have REAL author's notes. The other ones will parodies of how other ppl usually write their author's notes. GET IT? The italics in will be the thoughts of the 'authors' writing this. GET IT YET? The italics in these {} are the actions of these 'authors. I will attempt to take you into the world of pplz as they write Mary-Sue's, Slash, Angst, Humour, a person who sticks (::a/n::) in their stories to comment on certain things, whatever.Request it if you wanna hear it. Confused enough? Thought so, read on and enjoy, review please too.  
  
So this is from the POV of other somebodies, not real pplz, just pplz. YA KNOW? I dunno, I confused myself in the process.Oh well, review and tell me whatcha wanna hear. May get a bit 'sad' or whatever sometimes, like I said, it's like the actual process of some 1 writing a fic and stuffz.  
  
COMPLETE Fictional stuff starting..nnnnnnNOW! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: This is my first fic, I hope you all like it, please read and review! Takes place in Middle-Earth. In case they don't know.What if they're not used to LOTR fics and know nothing of the sort?   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, except the unknown ones. Hope this doesn't look too much like the beginning of a Mary-Sue. {Shakes nervously}  
  
Legolas Visits the Shire  
  
Chapter 1. He Wakes Up  
  
By: Legolas'Cutie4Eva  
  
Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood awoke on a beautiful sunny day. No no NO!! I'm such a fool! Why did I even try to write fanfics?! Arrgh.I'll just keep writing and hope that it'll turn out better.Why is that when I have a good idea one minute in my head, the minute I write it down, it sounds sooo stupid? He looked outside his window at the swaying trees outside. ...  
  
"I hope today will be an absolutely happy day with my friends from the fellowship!" He exclaimed, getting out of bed. Nooo.I sound horrible! He sounds too perky.ARGH! {Starts shaking leg nervously}  
  
"Legolas! Let's all go downstairs and have a big breakfast!" Frodo cried entering. He just suddenly appears.Way to go Legolas'Cutie4Eva {Bangs fist on computer desk}  
  
"Frodo! My wonderful lad, nice to see you this delightful morning!" Legolas responded.  
  
"Come now, you must hurry, for we hobbits of the Shire do not like to be kept waiting for breakfast!" Frodo exclaimed merrily, helping Legolas out of his bed.  
  
"Oh, how I know you jolly fellows just love to eat! Why, I'm not surprised you didn't start ahead of me!" Legolas chuckled, teasing Frodo. Dammit, why the hell do I sound like a freaking Boxcar Children book? Stupid Benny and his eating. {Chews nervously on a strand of hair}  
  
"Why, that would be most un-polite of us, wouldn't you say so, kind friend Legolas?" Frodo smiled warmly.  
  
" 'Tis an honor to be a guest at the house of someone as noble as yourself, my friend. And to call you my friend is just wonderful!" Legolas murmured, smiling back. Geez, I'm such a sap.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you feel that way, Legolas. Now enough with our chattering, we must go and fill our bellies, then proceed to wander the expansive fields of the Shire."  
  
"Oh yes, yes, we shall," Legolas responded, grinning. He was most excited to go and explore the Shire, for he had not had the chance to do so before. He was delighted to see and meet different hobbit folk that were bustling about all day. He wondered if they felt the same about meeting an elf. Yay! It's starting to sound better, and people will review it and I'll get about 100+ reviews! This is gonna be great. {Claps hands in anticipation}  
  
  
  
What will they have for breakfast? Find out next chapter.  
  
Thanks for reading my fic, I hope you liked it. Once again, no flames, please, Just nice reviews. ( Lots and lots of reviews! And I'll also have like 450 people put my name on their favourites lists! YAY! I'm so good at this! {Claps hands excitedly again}  
  
  
  
1 week later.  
  
{Sits at computer desk, staring blankly at the screen, not believing what she is seeing.}  
  
What? I only have 3 reviews? And one of them is from me thanking the two that did review? I'm such a loser, how did I ever think I'd get on the list of a few hundred people, and at the same time have a few hundred reviews for my stupid story.Arrr.That's it, I give up. That fic took me a long time too.I guess I should study for that history test I'm having tomorrow. I guess I'll never be the writer I wanted to be. {sighs} I'm such a loser, Why can't I do anything right?  
  
Ok, I'm deleting this. Good-bye Legolas and Frodo.  
  
{Deletes story hesitantly}  
  
There goes that idea.I'm going to go watch TV now or something.Mope around the house cuz my dream didn't come true.Maybe I should've taken that 'writing skills camp' last year, that way my stories would be a lot better and get some more reviews! Arr.This is no use. It's over, it's done.See ya.  
  
{Leaves computer to watch TV and mope.}  
  
I'm never gonna use fanfiction.net ever again. 


	2. Prologue

A/N: *This is one of my first attempts at slash. Please, no flames Probably gonna get 'em anyway. Those stupid anti-slash peoples  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I wish I did, but then they'd all be in trouble ;) Ahaha! Go SlashJewel!! You made a smart comment!! Yes, I need them, I need all of them, I'll just take them home, put some waterwings on them, and just punish them!! I need them all! {Cracks up all over the place, at clever reference to outtakes at the end of Rush Hour 2} Takes place in Rivendell, a year after the ring is destroyed.  
  
Story-property of: SlashJewel  
  
~*Prologue*~  
  
I loved him. I loved him so. But I had not the heart to tell him on our journey. It was a mission to save, not one to dilly dally and make romance as we pleased. Ah! A bit o' subtle humor! You sly devil, you. Go me!  
  
'Twas for the better, for his heart was set on another. It belonged to another, not me. Now this is the type of script/storyline that makes people drown in tears! Yeah!! Academy Awards, here I come!! It belonged to another, not me. How I wished to claim him though. Oh, the imagery  
  
Through the rocky and bitterly harsh terrains, escaping from the clutches of darkness, I dream about what sorts of wonders hide behind those eyes. Those brilliant, deep, warm blue eyes that could pierce through to my heart, soul, and so much more. Awww-I am real good at this! Yeah! Pretty soon, I'll have several hundred reviews per chap, like my one idol, AJ Matthews!! Yeah!!  
  
I wanted to feel those full luxurious lips on my own. To taste him, to explore his mouth and know it through and through better than he. Oh yeah-the rookie's good-me, the rookie, I got the cookie, and the rookie with the cookie is soo soo GOOD! {Sings that while waving arms over head, doing a little victory dance.}  
  
To join our bodies and feel the hardness and desire of him, for me. The love, the lust, and need. To collapse after our union, by each other's side, and sleep in peace, not caring what lies outside our own perfect world. Our own little paradise, our own abiss. Awww. This is soo cute-if I do say so myself! See, this is why pplz like slash, everybody should like slash. I betcha everyone does, it's just that some ppl wanna be 'rebels' or they just plain deny what they want.  
  
It is all but that of a foolish dream. An impossible wish. An undeniable longing, for that of which I could never dare hope to have. It shatters my heart so, to see him with another. When I feel so strongly and deeply that it is I he should be holding so gently, caressing so softly, kissing so sweetly. That is it. This is definitely going to be on the favourites list of 99.9% of the lotr slash readers, with me on over 300 favorites lists!! Yes! 1,000 reviews is gonna be a lot I'm gonna hafta be carting in. Oh yeah, feel the glory. Yes, this story is awesome. Angst is the answer! WAAHOO!  
  
Fantasy is all that will ever become of this. For he sees me as nothing but a good friend. His words form a soliloquy in my heart, a raging storm in my nerves, a shockwave to my brain. English classes have certainly done some good now, yes, me and my beautiful big words that sound so pretty! Erratic thoughts, clouded vision-is this all an illusion of lust? Ooh, nice dramatic question ending there. Yeah-now on to-Dun Dun Dun- THE OTHER SIDE-Oooh, This is gonna be good. Crap, mom's calling me down for dinner, this slash story can wait, chicken soup is the best! {Runs out of the room, down the stairs, yelling, "I'm coming mom!!"}  
  
Blind fool am I. Why do I carry on this charade? Why do I act as though she is the only one in my heart? Ooh, sounds so mysterious and AJ- like. Angst/romace/slash. Oh! She is the best at this! And now, she will make room, because SlashJewel has entered the arena. Reminds me of the Dirrty vid with Christina A.-damn, that girl can get down and reaal dirty! Yeah! Ok, now-on with the story. Luscious Christina can wait for later. Yummy chicken soup- {Licks lips and pats belly}  
  
Why do I betray myself this way? Going against that of which was always taught to me, going against all reason, all sensibility. Why do the fates torment me so? Aww, poor baby, SlashJewel will make it all betta for you in chapters 4,5, and 6, when the real work begins-hehehe He could never know, our friendship, our sole bond would be broken, and my oath to Arwen would be, as well. Whoa, I am good. I should give AJ a HOLLA and we should hook up and write a story together! Yeah! Haha, I'm even good with the slang everybody's been usin' lately. FOSHIZZLE DAWG! {Raises hands over head, and does the holla sign while whoop-whooping}  
  
Feelings that will never be mutual. By Elbereth, how I wish that would not be so. May I free my heart and body in his arms. Let me live as I please. Why won't this ever be? This perfect dream a reality? Oh yeah! Scoore!! I ended with a nice liddle rhyming thing, like the end of a soliloquy. Yeah dawg! This is awesome! A PERFECT storyline-with a PERFECT scenario!! And they'll be callin me the next AJ Matthews, only more famous, like how they call those new liddle girls the new Britneys, only they're not as popular. I RULE! I ROCK!! COME TO MAMA, 1752 REVIEWS!! YEAH!! {Screams that last part, cuz no one's home, and dances around the house and gets a donut and Tang pouch to snack on.}  
  
So, how'd ya like it? They luved it, they know it! They 533 reviews are gonna show it!! Haha, I'm soo cool, but it's all in my head-and online! HA!! If only pplz were this nice and respectful at school. Then I'd be at the top of the class-forget the pretty preps, itz all ME!! Please review and tell me if ya want another chapter!! Luv ya 4 it!! Oh yeah- 


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